Learning Loss
by everlynstia
Summary: Alanna was more than just a knight, she was a lover, a defender and a friend to Jon. So when she dies, how will he take it? Will he move on? [ONESHOT] please R


**Well, I've just got this niggling little idea roaming around in my head and decided to put it together into a oneshot. Will be happy with any comments people want to offer! **

**Btw, this is my very first attempt at an oneshot, so be prepared for some amateur-ness! **

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_"Jon, I've got to go there. The people need me!" Alanna's eyes glared deeply, though Jon caught a flicker of sadness and - was it fear? _

_The King looked carefully at his champion, who, at the age of 45, was still as sharp-witted and tough as before. _

_"No Alanna, it's you're too old, leave it be!" Jon replied briskly._

_Jon knew that he was fighting a losing battle, but he tried nonetheless to stop his champion from hurting herself. The fire in her eyes flared as he heard his last remark and knew that he would cave in no matter what he tried. _

_The life of the King was hard, harsh...horrid. He knew that he would have to let Alanna go to the war at Tyra's border. He knew that, though he was sending his champion to her death, he would at least be protecting his people. He knew that, but he didn't want ot let Alanna go, still holding on to the sentimental feelings she still made him feel, even 25 years after they had called it off..._

_"Jon. Jon, look at me!" Alanna's voice now pleaded to the King, pleading for him to let her go. Jon's eyes wearily caught hers, and held, though tears started to fill them._

_"Jon, it's your duty. And you know it!" _

_Jonathan took a small breath, waved his hands in weary approval and plunged his face into his arms. He was surprised when Alanna walked up to him, to plant a quick kiss on his cheek._

_"Your Majesty, I will return." was all she whispered._

_

* * *

_

"Your Majesty?" a timid voice inquired at Jon's study.

"Come in!"

Gareth the Younger walked in, eyes slightly red from what seemed to be crying. Jon's heart plummeted, knowing what he was about to say. He didn't want to hear it, but he gritted his teeth and waited for the worst. It came quickly:

"Sir Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Barony Olau is dead."

Jon could hear the wind rush through his ears, and everything suddenly went blurry. Life seemed to lose all meaning in front of his eyes, as he tried to confront the horror that he had just heard. He could barely hear Gary talking to him; everything made no sense at all. Alanna was dead. And he had sent her to death.

All that registered in his shocked mind was the thought that _he had basically killed her. _

Tears started to urge themselves out of Jon's eyes, but he stopped them quickly. Alanna. Dead...

"Jon, Jon, talk to me..."

Jon registered Gary's worried voice beside him, and he turned blindly towards the voice. He made himself nod, though inside his mind was screaming at him to burst into tears, screaming at him to turn Gary out in order to throw a tantrum inside his study. But the years of self control held, and he merely accepted apologies from Gary, and gave Gary a cold hug. His Champion was dead.

Thayet rushed into the room right after Gary, her normally graceful and elegant demeanour shattered as walked in, looking like the world was ending - which, to Jon, indeed was. She stood silently in front of him, crying quietly, before Jon found the energy and will to stand up and make his way to Thayet.

"Jon, why did this happen?" Thayet whispered, clinging onto Jon's collar. "Why to Alanna? Why?"

Jonathan wanted to shout to the heavens the same thing. Alanna had been so strong, so good at the sword. Who, or what had managed to kill her? And Jon couldn't suppress the guilt that was making its way into Jon's thoughts. Why had he not sent enough people to accompany her? He had known how bad the situation at the Tyra was, how bad the war had been.

"I don't know, Thayet." was all Jon said.

Tears started to run down Thayet's face again, and even the guard at the door had realised what had happened. To say that the guard was pale was an understatement.

"Did I kill her, Thayet? Did I send her to her death?"

Jon couldn't resist asking his wife for her thoughts, couldn't stop himself from expressing his deepest guilt. To him, it was obvious what the answer was - yes, he had. He had let her go out of his arms, let her go when he knew the situation was so dangerous.

Thayet stiffened at the questions, and looked tearfully into her husband's eyes. In them she saw what he was feeling - the deepset worry, the painful guilt, and the overbearing pain. She had never seen them that way. She opened her mouth to reply in a firm negative, but before she could a loud howl erupted in the hall, and both Thayet and Jon looked startled towards the door.

"Alanna's dead, Jonathan? Is it true?" Daine and Numair fought through the guard.

"Please don't say it's true..." moaned Daine, tears spilling dramatically out of her eyes.

Jonathan, at that moment, realised just how much Alanna had meant to so many people, not just himself. He felt pride swell in his heart, but not without the thumping pain of loss as well.

"I'm afraid so, Daine. Numair, it's a shock, isn't it?" Jonathan plastered a grim smile onto his face.

Jon was surprised when Numair shook his head, saying "I knew the Lioness would die young. Adventuress, she was. A person like her wouldn't linger on the earth so much."

However, there was a definite quiver and strain in his voice, like Numair's throat had been dry in shock.

Jon felt a tear leak out of his eye, but thought the better of wiping it away. With a light plop it landed on Jon's hand, at which he looked at it in surprise.

"Alanna's gone..."

* * *

King Jonathan of Conte looked over the large mass of people that had crowded into the Funeral Hall, and began to wonder just how many people Alanna had influenced in the course of her short but eventful life. Most people just came to see how the famed Lady Knight had been killed, but many still held her in high esteem and came to honour her.

Jon thought that she would probably be growling at how people didn't have anything useful to do besides this and had to cover his mouth in order not to laugh. How strange, he thought to himself, why was he laughing? Then the crushing pain of loss returned and everything became dull once more. Feeling like a robot, he removed the cloth covering Alanna's body to reveal her face. What he saw made him want to cry again and again, as he saw the peaceful face facing him. He could have sworn that she was asleep, except for the paleness of her dark skin.

"Alanna, come back to me Alanna, I can't live without you..." he murmured to her, willing her to wake up from death, willing her brilliant amethyst eyes to look at him one last time.

"Don't leave me like this!" tears, held back so many times, now burst out, landing delicately on her face.

Jon felt arms trying to move him out of the way, but he was numb. No amount of moving would make him leave Alanna's side, not when he owed her so much, no - he would never part from her. He heard Thayet's soft voice call him to make the speech from far away, calling almost from a different land. All he registered was the need to stay near Alanna, and never move again.

But eventually he did, after what seemed like an eternity by her side. He stood up, proud and strong again, but slightly shaking. with great effort, he removed Thayet's arm from his own and walked to the podium, to make his speech. Jon would honour Alanna. Her bravery, her will, her determination...everyone should know about that.

"My friends and citizens, I...thank you for sharing your time with us today." Jon's voice quivered uncontrollably, and he stopped, clearing his voice for a second try.

"This is a sad occasion, as we all know. We have lost a great knight not so long ago. But Alanna was not just a knight, my friends, she was so much more. If only I could show you this precisely I would, but this is the closest I can get to showing you.

Alanna, from the very beginning, was a controversy. Being the first Lady Knight in more than a century, she had much to live up to. And indeed she did. How many of us have braved her sword and tongue? I'm sure that all that have would not forget her.

She fought through all doubts about her skill and courage. She helped rid Persopolis of the Ysandir, and befriended the tribes of the desert. And even more! She brought back the Dominion Jewel that I hold in my hands today, and has been the reason of success in so many wars.

So many people would have given up a long time ago from all the hardship and pressure that has been pressed onto Alanna. Yet she has not only succeed, but flourished under it. How many people do you know of who can do that?

I loved her -here Jonathan felt the glare Thayet gave him- Yes, we all did. The strength of her character not only supported her, but supported us as well. She cracked the jokes when all hope seemed lost, and was always a tower of strength.

No wonder we all miss her as we do, but seeing as it is Alanna she will want us to move on. And, in support of her memory, I hope we all do."

Tears started to edge their out of Jon's eyes once again and he let them out, knowing it was just right for him to cry in her memory. After all, what had Alanna been to him?

Lover, defender, subject. And most of all, a friend.

"That was some speech, Jon."

Jonathan turned to look into the hazel (was it hazel?) eyes of Alanna's husband, the Baron of Pirate's Swoop. George looked touched by the speech, though his eyes were glazed and seemed to see nothing. Jon ran a nervous hand through his hair.

"Alanna would have wanted it that way, I hope."

"Aye, she would have. Thanks, Jon." George's voice was soft and grateful.

George turned to leave, with Jon left looking at him. Even with the bustle of people around him, Jon felt strangely alone. However, he could feel a presence in the air, like as if Alanna had come to visit the funeral in order to criticise it. The thought of that made Jon smile and he knew that no matter what happened, Alanna would still be with him in his heart. Even death did not take that away.

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**Hmmmm, whaddya think? It turned out longer than i thought. I know, I know, I reckon it was slightly dodgy at parts. Please, give me feedback then! Only then will I be able to improve!**

**So, therefore, REVIEW**


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